id be glad to
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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