Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize