playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
