yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
