i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
