What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Welp...herpes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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