gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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