there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
time to smoke my breakfast
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
