Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
