She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
