I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We are all done wearing pants today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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