At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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