So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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