I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
