I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
