True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
