i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
