So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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