Do vagina's smell?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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