remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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