Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
