So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize