he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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