i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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