Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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