She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
