I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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