my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
