I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
