oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
