I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
pop tarts are not kleenex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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