You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
