Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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