Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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