dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize