I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
