so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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