nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
