She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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