Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
