Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
