New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
