Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
