I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
