When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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