i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
