I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
