doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize