Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
