it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
love makes seman taste better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
