wakey wakey hands off snakey
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
