I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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