i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
