if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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