I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
