be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
