i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
