My first STD was from a foam party
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
