We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
