You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
