Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
