It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
