I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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