I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
