i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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