and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
