He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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