My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
