She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
