I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
