His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
