i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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