mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Buhtt sex?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize