Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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