i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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