It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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