sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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