Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
