If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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