My liver just broke up with me...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
