so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
