Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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