i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
