Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
