there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
