i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
