Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
