i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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